


I Need Your Love Guys, I Can't Make It Without You...

by warriorcat04



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Didn't Leave the Jedi Order, Alternate Universe - Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Anakin is a big brother to Reader, Cutting, Dancing and Singing, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Jedi Reader, Most Jedi bully you, Multi, People can be bullies without meaning to be, Protective Obi-Wan, Sad Reader, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Teacher Obi-Wan, Things will be better now, Tickling, Yoda thinks little of your Jedi skills, bullied reader, padme is your friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-01-20 03:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warriorcat04/pseuds/warriorcat04
Summary: The reader is being trained by Obi Wan Kenobi at the Jedi Temple. Her two best friends are Ahsoka Tano and Padme, but everybody else is unknowingly bullying her. It also doesn't help that she had been labeled as "too old to train as a Jedi" and shoved around in the Padawans friend groups. Can Obi Wan find out what's causing her so much pain before it's too late for her?





	1. Basically, How I Got Here

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. So this story deals with some issues that many be not appropriate for young kids, and/or a trigger for people who have dealt with these issues (read the tags so you get the basic jist of this work). If that's true for you, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY! I cannot express it enough. Thank you so much guys!

You were walking back to your apartment the you shared with your master, Obi Wan Kenobi, your head hanging after a particularly rough day.

You had been an official Padawan for a couple years now. It was pretty interesting the first time you walked in the Temple. You had been a girl of just above 12 years old when you arrived to the Temple, and your parents had discovered that you were extremely Force sensitive when you were a baby. Why was there the time gap?

Your family was POOR. They were the poorest family in their city, so they couldn't afford to send you back then. Their only hope was when you had grown up and they had more money to pay for the one way trip there.

Eventually, they were able to send you after your twelfth birthday after some friends helped to raise the money for you to go.

For the first couple times while in basic training, you overheard some of the Masters talking about you and your future. In a desperate attempt to secure your stay there, you tried to do extra good in your training, by coming in early for a individual session with the main teacher of history of the Jedi arts, and staying late for extra writing practice with the Dialects teacher.

Only one Master noticed your persistence and desperation to prove yourself: Obi Wan Kenobi. After you had turned thirteen, you were called before the Council to discuss your fate. You could tell they didn't like what they were going to say to you, so you prepared yourself for the worst. What you didn't expect was Obi Wan Kenobi, THE Obi Wan Kenobi, saying that he was going to train you. After that experience, you felt like you were floating on air for a few days, but then you got back to normal. Your studies were coming along good and everything was alright between you and Obi Wan. But there was one thing that you hated, the social pressure from everybody in your age group with the other Padawans. They resented you BECAUSE you were doing so well. You thought that life was okay only when you had your ear pods in your iPhone and you were doing something with your hands, whether it be making food or folding laundry.

You had no idea how much the other Padawans influence in your life had impacted you until a certain thought crossed your mind: "I'm worth nothing."

You gasped as soon as you thought it earlier that day and shoved it down, but as soon as you got back to your apartment, the thoughts continued to come. Again and again, they bombarded you until you finally flung open the door, raced through the living room, where Obi Wan, Anakin, Ahsoka and Padme were having a conversation about some random thing, and you flung yourself onto the bed as the sobs started to come, slowly at first.

"I'm not worth it," you mumbled into your pillow.

Surprisingly, Obi Wan left you alone until dinner. When he came to check up on you, you were already fast asleep, tear streaks clear on your face.

Your Master winced when he saw those stains on your face, marring your beauty. He stroked your cheek gently and tenderly kissed your forehead.

"Hold on a little longer, my wonder girl," he whispered in your ear.

Then he began to hum a lullaby that you had listened to since you were a baby. You had taught him the song when you were assigned to care for some of the younglings for a day.

"I heard that you're a mighty king. I heard you know everything and I feel that every thing they say is true.  
But I've listened not in my heart but in my head. Now I know how wonderful you are and you are even more  
that all I heard before. Now I know, and I'll always love you too because I know you.  
I heard that you are very wise. I heard there is kindness in your eyes. But now I look and I see  
the awesome love you have for me. Now I know, how wonderful you are and you are even more  
that I heard before. Now I know, and I will love you too now that I know you.  
Now I know, and I will always love you too now that I know you."

Obi Wan got up from your bedside and tiptoed out of your room, closing the door behind him.

Little did he know how hurt you were actually feeling...


	2. Another day...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are feeling the repercussions of the bullying that took place the other day, so you finally start cutting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to say thank you so much for the kudos! I hope that you will continue to like my series as I publish. Also, if there's anything that you're going through that you want to talk about, my door's always open. I've actually dealt with depression, so I know how it feels. Let me know if you guys have requests or just want to talk. LOVE YOU!!! ;-P

The next morning, you woke up with an empty feeling inside your heart. You felt like your day would depend on if people decided to treat you nice or not. Sighing, you realized that your hair would get matted by the end of the day, so you set about braiding it into small braids. You ended up with twelve to twenty braids in all, tying them in a pony-tail to get them out of your face.

"(Y/N), are you awake?" You heard Obi Wan's call.

"Yes Master. I'm coming down in a minute," you answered back, throwing on a pair of plush pants and a pink shirt before heading to the bathroom.

You passed Obi Wan on your way to the bathroom. He smiled at you and asked, "Are you okay? You cried yourself to sleep last night and I'm a little worried about you."

"Yeah, I'm fine," you played off his concerns. "It was just a tough day yesterday, that's all. I guess I must've gotten too emotional for some reason. Sorry if I worried you, Master"

Obi Wan sighed.

"Very well then," he sighed. "If you aren't back and ready by the front door in fifteen minutes, I'll have to leave without you."

Upon seeing your confusion, Obi Wan reminded you by saying, "To meet with Anakin, Padme and Ahsoka to eat breakfast? It is Saturday, you know."

You perked up considerably and chirped, "Okay! I'll be right there!"

Obi Wan smiled and shook his head at you as he saw you head into the bathroom.

To be fair, it was Obi Wan who signed you up for acting lessons. You closed the bathroom door and covered your mouth with your hands when you felt the choking sounds you made when you sob start to bubble up in your throat. You breathed in and out slowly for a few minutes as you tried to shove down your hysteria. Suddenly, your eyes caught a glint of metal. Slowly, you turned to see your shaver sitting innocuously on the bathroom counter. Staring at you. Mocking you. Just like everyone else. You tried as hard as possible to ignore it. But after a few seconds, you swooped down and scrambled to pick up the shaver, take off the cap, position it on your wrist away from any major veins. You hesitated a couple minutes before dashing it across your wrist once. Enough to make it look like an accident. Blood slowly started trickling from the two tiny cuts on the side of your wrist. You placed a small piece of bacta over it, securing it hastily with tape, and grabbed your sweater from the back of the door shoving in a few small pieces of bacta with sealant just in case before rushing to join Obi Wan outside the apartment.

"You feeling cold today?" Obi Wan teased good-naturedly.

"Mmhmm," you nodded as you both stepped onto the bus that took you to Dex's food joint.

Obi Wan was the better cook, you thought he was amazing in the kitchen. Anakin on the other hand... Well... He burnt water when he tried to cook. There was one time when he nearly burnt the whole Jedi Temple while trying to cook pancakes for you on a dare.

"(Y/N)?" you broke out of your thoughts to see Obi Wan waving you off the bus before it left again.

"Sorry, Master," you apologized as you hastened to catch up to him.

"It's not your fault," he said to you once you had caught up to him, "But you need to stay aware of your surroundings. This isn't the Temple out here, this area. A lot of bad people live here, people who could-"

"Who could see an innocent girl like me as someone to sell. Yes, I know Master. You've said it word for word every time I come here with you. I'm not helpless you know!" You exclaimed indigently.

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist from behind. You jumped and yanked out your lightsaber, whipping around to see Ahsoka behind you, smiling teasingly.

"Good morning Sunshine!" she teased, squeezing your sides just above your hips.

You burst out laughing as you jumped out of her reach. Ahsoka shook her head as you rubbed your torso to get rid of the ghost tickles still invading your body.

"Seriously, (Y/N). If anybody finds out about that weakness of yours, you're gonna be toast," Ahsoka teased, tousling your hair and messing it up.

"Hey!" you whined, pulling out your hair bun and redoing it.

Ahsoka just smirked as she led the way into the restaurant. You and Ahsoka found a corner table that fit all five of you while Obi Wan ordered the food. Anakin and Padme entered the restaurant a few minutes later and walked over to Obi Wan to wait for the food.

Ahsoka looked at you and asked, "So. How've you been? I saw you in the bathroom yesterday crying and when you ran to your bedroom."

You started for a second, then replied, "I've been okay. I just had a bad day, everything was not really going for me."

Ahsoka stared at you for a minute to see if you were telling the truth. "Then what's with the sweater?"

You flushed and said, "It was freezing this morning and I never really took it off."

"Never took what off?" Padme asked as she placed down the food tray she was carrying on the table, Anakin and Obi Wan behind her.

"My sweater, I left it on this morning," you responded, smiling as Padme took a seat beside you.

"You put that on in the house," Obi Wan teased, tickling your cheek with the end of one of your braids.

You smacked his hand away with a giggle as everybody sat down and divided up the food according to everyone's preference. About halfway through the meal, you put your hands under the table and checked on your cut. Blood had soaked through the bacta patch and was about to start bleeding through your sweater.

"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back," you said hastily, getting up from the table and walking towards the restroom.

"Oh...Kay," Obi Wan answered you.

"That was a little weird," Anakin commented, taking a bite of his food.

"Anakin, don't talk about her behind her back. She's got enough of that at the Temple. Don't forget that she spends more time with us and Master Fisto than her fellow Padawans," Obi Wan scolded his former apprentice.

Anakin rolled his eyes and responded, "Sure. Because the Padawans' in this age are SO nice to everybody."

Obi Wan shook his head at Anakin and stared in the direction that he saw you disappear.

"I hope she's okay," he thought. 

 

Meanwhile...

 

You stumbled into the bathroom, a couple gasps escaping your lips.

"Screw my damn life," you thought bitterly as you rolled up your shirt sleeve and applied another piece of bacta to the small wound. It had stopping bleeding, but there was a angry line that showed on the cut and you knew it was going to scar. After a couple minutes, you composed yourself and walked back out of the bathroom to another act, another show, another time where you had to pretend you're okay when really you're not, when you feel so dead inside...


	3. Hidden Talents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader exposes one of her favorite things to do, but she's ashamed of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Just a heads up, I'm throwing a couple twists and turns into these next couple of chapters, so get ready! Also, I would recommend listening to the songs that I use in the story while you read it, I found it helps to bring the story to life. Have fun! ;P
> 
> (M/F/N) = male friend's name

You walked back to the table with a fake smile plastered on your face. But everybody had gone. You glanced around and saw that Obi Wan was outside saying goodbye to Anakin, Ahsoka and Padme. Running outside, you reached your Master just as he turned away to go back inside.

"Master, is something wrong?" you asked.

Obi Wan smiled kindly at you and replied, "No, nothing is wrong. Anakin took a piece of meat from your plate and it gave him a bout of food poisoning. Padme is helping him back to his apartment."

You laughed at that.

"Well, he deserves it. Especially for touching my plate!" you retorted.

"Come on, let's go back home," Obi Wan said, turning around to leave.

"Okay."

You and Obi Wan headed back to your apartment, where there was a huge pile of clothes waiting for you, unfortunately.

 

"Well, that was fun," you sighed as you both walked through the front door.

"Yeah," Obi Wan sighed.

"I'm gonna go work on the clothes," you said before turning away.

"(Y/N)?" Obi Wan called you back.

"Yes Master?" you asked.

"What happened to your wrist?" Obi Wan asked, pulling up your sweater sleeve a couple inches.

You blushed and responded, "Yesterday during lunch I was trying to cut my food, somebody scared me and I accidentally cut it."

Obi Wan stared into your eyes for a minute then nodded his head. You could see in his eyes that he didn't believe you.

"Okay then, I'm gonna go meet Master Windu and Master Fisto for a sparring session. Be safe while I'm gone, okay?" Obi Wan asked.

You rolled your eyes and laughed, "When have I EVER not been safe?"

Obi Wan rasied his eyebrow in mock-sternness.

"Last year when you nearly burned the apartment down with your friends because you left the stove on, six months ago when you nearly drowned in the bathtub because you were so tired, two weeks ago when you nearly sliced your foot off with your lightsaber because you dropped it. Do I need to go on?" he asked.

"Nope. I'm good. But still! I'm just folding clothes! Nothing can go wrong with that," you insisted.

"Okay," Obi Wan sighed, giving you a quick hug.

You gladly reciprocated, before you found yourself trapped by his arms. Obi Wan swung you around a couple times, swiftly running his finger up and down your sides a couple times, eliciting bright bubbly laughter from you.

The reason for this predicament: phyisical touch was one of your love languages (SHOCKER!!!). You actually liked being hugged, tickled and touched in appropriate ways that showed love to you. Your other love language was verbal encouragement. To you, words had the power of showing love to you, or killing you slowly.

After a couple seconds, your Master put you down and kissed your temple.

"I'll be back in a couple hours, alright?" Obi Wan asked.

You nodded, still trying to catch your breath after Obi Wan's "torture".

"Bye," he called as he walked out the door.

You stood in the middle of the living room for a couple moments before turning the stairs. As you climbed up them, you suddenly remembered what you had been dying to do since you had seen The Greatest Showman, La La Land, and every musical since you've been at the Temple.Grabbing your iPhone, you purchased and downloaded several songs, which was easy since all the music together cost about fifteen credits, a fortune where you were from. You pulled the laundry out of the dryer and started to fold the shirts and sheets and other articles of clothing. About fifteen minutes passed, and the first song started to play. You smiled as you remembered the opening of La La Land. You hummed along for the first song, then you decided to switch it up to more upbeat music. You placed your phone in a special pocket that you sewed onto your shirt. First track you come up, The Greatest Show. You nodded in time to the drums and this time you started to rock your hips back and forth. The entire movie seemed magical to you, the songs almost nearly described your life, having to hide yourself because of who you were. Eventually, you started to sing the songs from the movie. The song that came on was This is Me. Challenging to sing, but not impossible.

"I am not a stranger to the dark. Hide away, they say 'Cause we don't want your broken parts. I've 

learned to be ashamed of all my scars. Run away, they say. No one'll love you as you are."

It was true. You had a few scars on your wrists already from working since you were ten, building knives for the 'well do to' on her planet.

"But I won't let them break me down to dust. I know that there's a place for us, for we are 

glorious."

At this point you threw down the shirt in your hands and just sang.

"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am 

brave, I am bruised. I am who I'm meant to be, this is me! Look out 'cause here I come! And I'm 

marching on to the beat I drum! I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies! This is me! Oh-oh-

oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh."

You stared at the scars and the cut on your wrists. You thought for a brief moment about everything that happened the past few days. The next words didn't seem forced when you sang them. 

"Another round of bullets hits my skin. Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink 

in! We are bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun! (We are warriors) Yeah, that's 

what we've become!! Won't let them break me down to dust! I know that there's a place for us for we 

are glorious!"

You didn't hear the lock click as the front door shut again. Didn't hear the stairs creak as the person came upstairs. Which is good, since if you had you would have NEVER started to do the dance that was actually featured in the movie!

"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am brave, I 

am bruised! I am who I'm meant to be, this is me! Look out 'cause here I come! And I'm marching on 

to the beat I drum! I'm not scared to be seen! I make no apologies! This is me! Oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-

oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh. This is me! And I know 

that I deserve your love! There's nothing I'm not worthy of!"

The emotion of sadness you felt overtook you, because deep down, you knew that you could never truly be yourself outside the apartment.

"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. This is 

brave, this is proof. This is who I'm meant to be, this is me! Look out 'cause here I come (look 

out 'cause here I come) And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on) 

I'm not scared to be seen! I make no apologies, this is me!! (Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-

oh)I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out!!(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh) This is 

ME!!"

Panting, you smiled, finally feeling free from everything.

"I had no idea you were that good," a male voice said.

You whipped around, sacred for a couple moments. What if it was Obi Wan? He would kill you for not 

studying or working! What you saw was... the one thing that could make you smile when you were sad.

"M/F/N!" you squeaked out.

"What? I just came to say hi," he retorted teasingly.

"You can't be here! What if Master Kenobi comes back?" you hissed.

"Well, then I'll explain to him that I came to complete the science assignment that we were paired up for," (M/F/N) whispered, walking close to you and hugging you briefly.

Out of your three and a half years at the Temple, (M/F/N) was one of the best things that had happened to you. He was sweet, caring, respectful, mature, and handsome. But the best part was that he shared the same beliefs that you had. There was only one problem with him: Master Windu was his trainer. Master Windu looked down on any of the kids who made close friends with kids of the opposite gender. Mace knew that (M/F/N) was friends with you, but he didn't know how far the affection went. You knew better then to let yourself fall in love, but it was so hard! If you didn't, you would be in agony every time you saw him. If you did, you were terrified about what would happen to you and him. So when he leaned down to kiss your cheek, you pulled away and reached for a special rope that you sometimes used to get upstairs quickly. You needed to only yank it and it would slingshot you up.

"Hey," he called out as you yanked yourself up.

You sling-shotted up to about fifteen feet up in the air and wrapped the rope around your waist and legs a few times. You weren't a professional, but your older cousin showed you a couple things that you could do in the air.

"(Y/N)," (M/F/N) whispered.

A song started to play on his phone. Your eyes widened when you recognized it.

"No, please," you begged, sliding down on the rope to the floor.

"You know I want you. It's not a secret I've tried to hide. I know you want me. Please don't keep 

saying our hands are tied. You claim it's not in the cards and fate is pulling you miles away and 

out of reach from me. But you're here in my heart. So who can stop me if I decide that you're my destiny?"

As he sang, he walked closer to you and hugged you again. Taking your hands in his own, he gazed lovingly into your eyes.

"Stop," you whispered as tears started to gather in your eyes.

You pulled your hands away and turned around to walk away.

"What if we rewrite the stars? Say you were made to be mine? Nothing could keep us apart! You'd be 

the one I was meant to find! It's up to you, and it's up to me. No one can say what we get to be! 

So why don't we rewrite the stars? Maybe the world could be ours, tonight."

The teenager grabbed your hand and pulled you close to him again.

"(Y/N), I'm willing to wait for you, as long as it takes. But I can't shake this feeling. I've tried. Please just say you'll wait for me as I wait for you," he begged.

You laughed uneasily and turned away.

"You think it's easy. You think I don't want to run to you. But there are mountains and there are 

doors that we can't walk through. I know you're wondering why? Because we're able to be just you 

and me within these walls. But when we go outside, you're going to wake up and see that it was 

hopeless after all."

As you sang these words, your heart started to hurt again, even more so than the last time you two met, because you knew that no matter how careful you two were, the truth would come to light and both of you would lose the thing you loved. The tears started to fall from your eyes, your long brown lashes splitting them into more droplets of salty water.

"No one can rewrite the stars! How can you say you'll be mine?! Everything keeps us apart!

And I'm not the one you were meant to find. It's not up to you. It's not up to me, when everyone 

tells us what we can be! How can we rewrite the stars? Say that the world could be ours tonight?"

(M/F/N) just stared at you as you sang the part. Then, when you whipped around and ran towards him, he hugged you again briefly before dipping you to the floor and spinning you around as you both sang the bridge together.

"All I want is to fly with you. All I want is to fall with you. So just give me all of you!"

"All I want is to fly with you. All I want is to fall with you. So just give me all of you!"

At this point you turned away.

"It feels impossible!"

The teenager followed you.

"It's not impossible."

You whipped around and finally let him see into your wet eyes.

"Is it impossible?"

(M/F/N) wiped away the remaining tears and together, you finished the bridge.

"Say that it's possible!"

"How do we rewrite the stars? Say you were made to be mine? Nothing can keep us apart! Cause you 

are the one I was meant to find! It's up to you. And it's up to me. No one can say what we get to 

be! So why don't we rewrite the stars? Changing the world to be ours!"

Suddenly, a thousand moments flooded into your head, Master Fisto teaching you how to breathe under water using the force, Obi Wan showing you how to take down a battle droid, Ahsoka and Padme sneaking you out of the Temple to get ice cream and sing karaoke at a bar downtown, Anakin swimming a race with you, everybody encouraging you to learn an instrument and many others. These moments and more are what you loved about your life as a Jedi. If you did this... All of it could be taken away from you forever. That is why you yanked yourself away from (M/F/N) and walked to the other side of the room, grabbing his jacket.

"You know I want you. It's not a secret I try to hide. But I can't have you. We're bound to break 

and my hands are tied," you whispered as you shoved the jacket into his hands.

"Wait, (Y/N), I," (M/F/N) stuttered.

"Save it! Leave. Now," you hissed, pointing to the door.

"That's great! Oh my goodness that was so perfect! Now, if you guys do that on stage at graduation, everybody will LOVE you! Now (Y/N), on Rewrite The Stars, when you and (M/F/N) are doing the bridge, if you could go a little slower, that would be great! Aaand (M/F/N), when you are singing the chorus the first time, don't try so hard to reach for the high notes, just try to relax and have fun. Also, when we start practicing on stage, you guys can use your extension guns and try the rope spin thing that Zac and Zendaya did in the movie, that would be sooooo cool to see live!" the OTHER person that came with (M/F/N) chattered.

"Okay Nat! Thanks, but seriously, you guys BOTH caught me off guard. Hence the rushing on the bridge," you laughed.

Nat, or better known as Natalie by the drama/music kids in the Temple had come with (M/F/N) to practice the play that they had wrote. Nobody knew about it except for them and a couple Masters, since the play would need to be approved to be in the graduation schedule. You were one of the best singers in the Temple. 

'Not that Obi Wan would notice,' you thought bitterly.

"Okay, you should probably get back to work," Natalie said, noticing your tired expression.

"Yeah." you muttered.

"We'll practice again whenever you feel like it," (M/F/N) whispered gently.

"Don't make me sorry I saved your life on Christophus," you threatened, some spark coming back into your eyes for a few moments.

"Ah, darling, you couldn't know how to be sorry if it came up and bit you on your freckled nose," (M/F/N) teased, bopping you on the nose and making you giggle.

"Bye," you called, waving at them.

"See ya later," Nat called back before she closed the door behind her and (M/F/N).

You sighed and picked up the shirt you had thrown on the floor. About half an hour passed and you slowly put away the clothes. The sadness you had felt this morning sank in again. You turned on the tv to try and ignore it, but it wasn't working. Instead, you felt more alone then ever before in your life. You sighed and trudged up to your room. Digging in your desk drawers, you found the knife your older brother had given you when you were five.

"This is for defense, (Y/N). If you need to fight, this is what it's for. Also for cutting sheets, tree branches, anything thats hindering you from being safe," he had said before hugging you.

"This is defense," you muttered in defience.

Taking in shaky breaths, you opened the blade and pressed it against your wrist. Then you stopped. Raising it up, you moved the knife up your arm until you reached your shoulder. This time, you didn't hesitate. Dashing it swiftly across your shoulder once, twice, thrice, four times. You quickly folded the blade down and watched your shoulder. Blood slowly seeped into the four horizontal lines that ran across your shoulder. You had barely cut your skin open. It still stung, but you wouldn't be in danger of someone seeing it. Then you dashed to the bathroom, grabbed a tissue and pressed it on the cuts. A couple minutes after, you rubbed lotion and peppermint/lemongrass/orange/pineapple oil on them. Now you were glad all your shirts had sleeves that went down to at least an inch above your elbow.

 

This would be an easy secret to hide...


	4. Tomorrow can be better.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where I'll introduce some of the other Masters, and a few extra friends for you. ;P

"I'm home!" you heard Obi Wan call.

"Damnit!" you hissed, yanking your shirt sleeve down over your shoulder.

"(Y/N), are you alright?" Obi Wan called.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" you yelled back, dashing to your room.

"(Y/N)? We have guests, can you come down please?" Obi Wan called.

"Be right there!" you called as you frantically hid the knife under your pillow.

You dashed to the stairwell,

"(Y/N), look out for the-!" Obi Wan tried to warn you.

And tripped over the small bump that was just in front of the stairs. You hit the ground and tumbled down the stairs, slammed into the wall and rolled down the next set, rolling to a sitting stop directly in front of Master Yoda.

Master Yoda?! Well damnmit.

You scrambled to your feet and stood at attention.

"Sorry Master," you apolgized, your face turning red.

"Fine, you are," Master Yoda replied. "However, graceful, you are not! To be one with the force, graceful you must be."

You winced inwardly at Yoda's sharp rebuke and nodded in understanding.

"Yes Master," you acknoledged him, bowing your head in understanding.

"Master Yoda, she never meant to fall down the stairs. I startled her. Let me take the blame," Obi Wan tried to cover for you.

Master Yoda turned around and glared at your master.

"Respectful, she is. Graceful, she is not. Tomorrow, extra training, you must give her. Graceful, she must be," Master Yoda rebuked Obi Wan's attempted protection of you.

"Yes, Master," Obi Wan sighed, glancing at you sympathetically.

"Now, on to more important matters," Master Windu prompted, leading both of the Master's away.

"(Y/N), why don't you go somewhere for a while?" Obi Wan asked.

You didn't need another second before you dashed upstairs to grab a hoodie, slipping your brothers knife into your pocket before speeding to the door and bolted straight out. Obi Wan sighed and went back to his meeting.

You dashed straight out of the dorm building and into the Temple. Your body shook with exhaustion and the effort to hold back tears. Your brain started listing the places you normally hid in, the supply closet, the boiler room, the back left corner of the library where nobody ever went except to clean. But all these places were too public. You wanted absolute privacy. Then you remembered. The one place where no one could find you. The gardens. Nobody ever suspected that you were a flower type of girl. You were too "tough for the delicate lilies". But that didn't bother you, before.

"Hey! (Y/N)!" you heard a male voice call your name.

"NO!" you shrieked and fled in the opposite direction.

Anakin stopped moving towards you and turned to Ahsoka.

"Does she normally act like that?" he asked.

"No, which is making me worry more than I already was. (Y/N)? Wait up!" Ahsoka called before giving chase.

You didn't want Ahsoka to follow you, so you stopped running and waited for her to catch up.

"Hey! What gives?" the Tortugren teenager asked when she had caught up with you.

"Sorry," you apologized with a giggle. "Thought you were someone else."

"Like who- Oh, right. Oxytocin is flowing through your veins huh?" Ahsoka teased, wiggling her hips 

a bit to make you feel uncomfortable.

"Ew, Ahsoka!" you giggled, slightly moving away from her. "But yes. I thought you were (M/F/N)."

"Aw, you two are the sweetest couple," Ahsoka smiled.

"Thanks," you whispered, blushing hard despite your growing panic attack.

"I'll let you alone now. Stay safe," Ahsoka said, hugging you before poking your sides again to make you laugh.

You jerked away with a giggle and waved goodbye as she walked away. As soon as she turned the corner, your face fell as you felt the hollowness inside of you. Holding back sobs, you whipped around and fled in the direction of the garden, almost running into some kids from the music club. Three of them, Eli, a tallish kid who acted totally like a cuddle bunny, Keith, a quiet medium height guy who you had been friends with ever since you had joined the music club, and Merrit, who adopted you the second he saw you, considered you to be a younger sister to them. You nearly ran into Merrit and Keith as you blew past. You were hoping that they wouldn't notice, but they did. Merrit noticed the look in your eyes, glossed over with unshed tears of inner demonic pain that you didn't know how to release. Merrit nudged Eli in front of him and mouthed, "(Y/N)". Eli nodded and left the music group with Keith and Merrit as they followed you...

 

You shoved open the doors to the crystal gardens and started running to the only place that made you feel calm, the clover patch beside all the varieties of mint under the apple tree. It was about half a mile away from the entrance to the doors, perfect for what you wanted to do. You ran over to your favorite spot, pulled out the knife and cut your shoulders again, five times on both shoulders for each thing you did wrong in training and conduction yourself, and finally laid down, curling up as sobs started racking your body. Tears started rolling over your cheeks, half of them falling into your mouth and reminding you of your pain. Suddenly, you felt arms around your shoulders, pulling you up into a sitting postion and hugging you. Another two pairs of arms circled your waist pulling you closer into a four person hug (you being the fourth person). You felt something wet fall into your hand and you glanced up to see Eli crying with you. Your lower lip trembled as you fought to keep it together.

"Is she okay?" a voice said.

All four of you glanced up to see (M/F/N) standing above you, concern flooding his face. When you saw his face and felt the fear coming off of him in waves, your stomach knotted up. As you glanced back at your friends, you saw Keith, who almost never was emotional, start crying as well. That did it. Tears started pouring down your cheeks so fast that you figured that you looked like a water fountain. (M/F/N) sighed and sat down, pulling you into his lap while all the boys rubbing your shoulders and arms comfortingly. You managed to stop crying after about fifteen minutes, and then you just laid in your friends arms while they hugged you.

"I'm sorry," you whispered as you calmed down.

"Don't you dare apologize (Y/N)," Eli burst out. "You're hurting, and that's okay."

"Besides, it must be hard to have Obi Wan as a Master," Merrit put in.

You shook your head, your braids swinging from the motion.

"No, Obi is really sweet. It's... Mmm. Master Yoda," you whispered, unwilling to say anything bad about the normally gentle Master.

"What about him?" Keith asked.

"Nothing," you said.

"Really?" Eli asked.

"You can trust us, (Y/N)," (M/F/N) prompted.

"I know. But I'm fine, I promise," you brushed off their concerns.

"You ran out to a place that almost nobody comes to and cried for twenty minutes," Keith pointed out dryly.

"People just don't do that," Eli agreed with Keith.

"Don't make me get information out of you, (Y/N)," Merrit threatened, placing his hands by your sides as a warning.

"Wait, what?" (M/F/N) asked.

"Huh?" Eli uttered.

"Hmm?" Keith murmured.

All your attention was on Merrit.

"No, don't you dare," you threatened, shaking your head as a tiny smile started to appear on your lips.

"Mmm, I think that's a yes," Merrit teased as he started tickling your sides and stomach.

"No!" you squealed as you laughed, attempting to twist away from him.

"Yes!" he smirked in triumph upon hearing your laughter.

All you could do was laugh. It felt good after being so depressed all day. In your heart, you never wanted to leave this moment. You wished that it could last forever. But you knew that it was too much to hope for. If they ever found out about your cuts... Your cuts! Your eyes flew open and you quickly jerked away from the group of boys, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

"I'm sorry, I forgot that you didn't like it when people do that," Merrit apologized.

"No, it's fine. You just accidentally touched a bruise I got from... some of the other Padawans I was training with," you reluctantly admitted.

"I can sense your embarrassment (Y/N)," (M/F/N) teased. "Where's that coming from?"

You remained silent until Keith poked your side once, electing a squeak from you and a fresh wave of joy and embarrassment flooded from you. All four boys smirked slightly and shook their heads.

"(Y/N), do you like it when I do this?" Eli teased, squeezing your lower side.

You squeaked and squirmed away.

"No, I don't," you shook your head, a grin spread across your face as your cheeks lit up.

"I think you do," Eli teased, tickling your side.

"No! Stop it!" you giggled, trying to shove him away.

"Nope," he said, smiling as he heard your laughter.

"Guys! Help me!" you shrieked with laughter as Eli tickled your stomach.

"Okay..." Keith sighed.

"... We'll help Eli!" Merrit yelled out playfully.

"NO!!" you cried.

It was no use. Your pleas for mercy were drowned out by your laughter. You had absolutely no idea how lucky you were to have them. And you never suspected that someone was watching you, jealousy in his eyes. And you never would have figured it was him until it was too late...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know. I ended this one on a sort of happier note, I feel that having some days ending okay would be better for the story. Thank you guys for all the kudos!!! ;P


	5. Every Now & Then I Fall Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the comfort time you had with your friends, everything falls apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got much darker then I thought it would. Hopefully you guys like it.

It was eleven thirty. You slowly opened the door to your and Obi Wan's apartment and closed it behind you as quietly as you could. You hadn't meant to miss curfew, but it was one of those days. Master Yoda would kill you if he found out.

"(Y/N), do you mind explaining to me where you were these past few hours?" you jumped as you heard Obi Wan's smooth voice come out of the shadows.

'Shoot!' you thought.

Obi Wan chuckled a bit at that. Then he sobered up and strode into the light.

"One of your friends told me that you went to the crystal gardens and proclaimed your undying love for a boy who joined you," your Master continued.

You froze. That wasn't what happened at all! You hadn't seen anybody besides your friends, and they would never tell on you.

"I never did anything of the sort!" you cried out indignantly.

"I have a few eyewitnesses who said you did," Obi Wan explained out loud.

Over your training bond, he mentally cried out, "I believe you, but some Padawans in your class whipped up this tale to see you punished or thrown out! I'm so sorry!"

"Who are they?" you challenged.

"We did," a silky voice said.

Your eyes widened, your face visibly paled and you started sweating when the group came out of the shadows.

"Miss us?" a tall, blond haired, brown eyed kid sneered.

"What do you want, Mike?" you said evenly as you fought to not fall apart.

"I want to know what happened in the crystal gardens, why were four boys making out with you," another kid, a female teenager with auburn hair, green eyes and full pouty lips who hadn't yet reached her full growth spurt, answered.

"Brittany, you know I'm solely against that. What proof do you have that I got into four individual make out sessions with four random boys? I barely know anybody, let alone boys. There are some pretty big holes in your argument," you quipped.

"Oh, I believe you, sweetie," Brittany soothed.

Then, the seventeen year olds eyes went dark as she approached you and hugged you. You felt her fingernails digging into your arms and her hands almost cutting off blood circulation.

"Just remember that I can get you kicked out of here any time I want," she whispered into your ear.

With that, she whipped around and stalked to the door, with the other Padawans following.

"See you in class!" she called cheerfully before shutting the door.

After they had left, your knees buckled and you fell on the floor in a heap. Obi Wan caught you on the way down.

"What's wrong?" he questioned instantly.

"Nothing," you mumbled under your breath.

"I don't believe you anymore. Something is up with you. Tomorrow, we're seeing the Council," Obi Wan decided as he helped you up.

"Now, Master. Is that really necessary?" you said sarcastically.

"Yes. I don't know if your just tired, or if something bigger is going on, but I can't worry about you anymore! I need to know that you are okay." Obi Wan burst out.

"I'm fine! Okay? I'm fine! Just stop being so damn pushy!" you yelled out.

Obi Wan's eyes turned to ice.

"Master Yoda was right. You don't know what respect is." he whispered half to himself.

Right then, what you had said registered in your head. You gasped and withdrew yourself from Obi Wan, continuing to back up until you hit the wall. You tried to apologize, and found both hands against your mouth, making it impossible to speak.

"Starting tomorrow, you will be working from two hours before dawn to three, no, four hours after dusk. I want the Temple windows cleaned, all your homework completed to MY satisfaction, and your room cleaned out of everything that will distract you. You will live like this until you can learn not to speak to your elders in this manner. I'm deeply disappointed in you, (Y/N)," Obi Wan lectured you.

You shrunk away from him with each word he said. He made an effort to grab you, but you flinched away. He sighed and backed away.

"Get upstairs," he said quietly.

You dashed up the stairwell and fled to your bedroom, locking the door behind you. You flung yourself on your bed as sobs escaped from your body. You heard the doorknob rattle a couple times, but you force-pushed your dresser against the door.

"(Y/N)," Obi Wan called through the door.

"GO AWAY!" you sobbed.

"Please let me talk to you," your Master pleaded with you.

"No! You're just gonna say that I can't do the simplest things right!" you screamed at the door.

"(Y/N), I should never have said that, and I'm sorry," Obi Wan apologized to you.

"I don't care anymore," you whimpered.

"(Y/N), it's us!" you heard Keith say.

"Go away!" you yelled.

For a few minutes there was no others sounds except for your labored breathing as you fought the despair that had taken over your body.

"Please let me in (Y/N)," (M/F/N) begged.

"No. Please leave me alone," you pleaded.

After that, no other calls were made to you. After today, everything had fallen apart for you. You couldn't take anymore! You saw your brother's knife beside you again. It had fallen out of your pocket when you had started sobbing.

You stared at it, unable to comprehend why he had given it to you if you were gonna be using it for this. Quick as lightening, you pried open the blade and this time, you didn't care who saw the scars the next day. You started at your right shoulder, slicing open the previous cuts first before moving down your arm, cutting yourself as you went until you reach your wrist. Then you repeated the treatment on the opposite side. Instead of stinging, it burnt like hell. But you didn't care. You felt Obi Wan try to reach out to you with your training bond, but you blocked him out with your mental shields. In fact, you had to block all of your friends, even Merrit, who you talked to over the bonds whenever you got upset about anything.

Exhaustion overtook your body and you didn't realize how much you were bleeding. You simply stared at the wall while blood dripped down your arms. only when the first drop rolled down your bare leg did you suddenly come back to the world. Sighing, you grabbed a few tissues and pressed them against your wounds. When they had stopped bleeding, you went to your private bathroom and rubbed oil on them. That brought on a whole new level of pain that you had never felt was possible. You gritted your teeth against the searing hot pain, tears stinging your already swollen cheeks. Finally, you wrapped them in strips of cloths to protect them.

Curling up on your mattress, you rocked back and forth while dark thoughts plagued your mind.

"You're not worth it."

"You are such a failure."

"You can't do anything right."

"You're a monster."

"You ripped your life apart."

"Nothing you do is worth enough."

"Why don't you just run away?"

That last thought hit you like a thunder bolt. Why not run away? Obi Wan didn't care about you. Why would he? You were a mess. You could never be a person that he could be proud of and want to be around. Same for the boys, Ahsoka and Padme. Then you remembered your parents. They had severely inconvenienced themselves to make sure that you got to the Temple. If they could live in the worst conditions, then how could you, their precious daughter, throw their gift back in their face? 

Instead, you pulled on a sweater, grabbed your phone and looked up Total Eclipse of The Heart by Bonnie Tyler. You bought the entire original album as well as ten other ones from your favorite artists. You downloaded the Bonnie Tyler album first and listened to the seven minute song on repeat until you fell asleep. The last thought entering your mind was, "Nobody can hurt me anymore. I'm free."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Creepy, right?


	6. This Doesn't Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader remembers what her life used to be like when she was happy, but now she's too tired to fight anymore.

"I'm free."

You woke up with a start. Glancing over you shoulder, you saw streams of light filtering through your curtains. You heaved yourself out of bed and opened them, finding yourself staring into the rising sun. You breathed in and suddenly you were transported to the time when Obi Wan had taught you how to meditate...

 

 

*  
"Now young one. Watch me and try to copy me. I will explain further if needed, okay?" the Jedi Master had asked you.

"Yes Master," you had nodded eagerly.

Obi Wan smiled at your attentiveness and willingness to learn as he sat down, motioning for you to do so as well.

"You may sit any way you wish, but I prefer this way. It is comfortable and allows me to become one with the Force," Obi Wan explained as he crossed his legs in front of himself.

You had glanced at him, then back down at your legs, and then you crossed them similar to Obi Wan's and stared back up at him expectantly.

"Alright. Now, the most important thing you need to remember is your breathing," Obi Wan told you, lightly poking your stomach.

You had moved away with a laugh, a blush covering your cheeks. Obi Wan's eyebrows shot up and he poked your stomach and sides again. You flinched away and curled up halfway.

"No!" you giggled, shaking your head.

"Well, it appears I'll have fun with you," Obi Wan had shaken his head teasingly.

"No, you won't. I hate it!" you lied.

Obi Wan scanned your face for any giveaway signs that you were lying. Half of your lower lip was being gnawed on by your teeth.

"You can tell me anything, (Y/N). I won't judge you. I promise," Obi Wan murmured, taking your cold hands into his large warm ones.

You ducked your head and whispered, "I'll tell you later, after the lesson."

Obi Wan nodded and started teaching how to breathe while meditating. But he was worried about you.

"(Y/N)," you heard a voice in your thoughts, startling you.

"What the heck?!" you asked mentally, snapping your eyes open.

You glanced around the room and saw nothing out of the ordinary. You turned over to Obi Wan and you were about to ask him what that was until you saw his facial expression. He looked so peaceful that you didn't want to disturb him, so you went back to your meditation.

"This is our training bond. We made it the instant we saw each other. You can form bonds with friends as well, but this is specifically for you and I to communicate with each while not saying a word. If you would like to talk to me here, just call out and I'll be here. Okay?" you heard Obi Wan's voice in your head.

Relaxing, you had decided to try out talking to him.

"Okay," you thought, and instantly you felt the Force around you, shimmering and making you feel light headed.

"(Y/N), stop!" you heard someone cry out.

Your eyes snapped open and you found yourself staring straight into Obi Wan's eyes.

"What happened?" you asked.

"Your mind entered the realm of the living Force. That only happens to Masters who are wise beyond their years... (Y/N), have your midichlorian numbers been tested?" Obi Wan asked you curiously.

"N, no. No, they have not. Why?" you responded.

"Only Masters with a significant amount of midicholrians in their blood can enter the realm of the living Force without meditating for twenty or more years," Obi Wan explained. "We shall get you tested today."

After the lesson, you and Obi Wan had walked to the medical bay and tested your blood for midicholrians. You had a pretty high number, over eighteen thousand, but there were other Masters that were higher.  
*

 

 

You remembered that day to be one of the best ones of your life. Your heart twisted when you remembered how close you used to be with your friends. How could two days of sickening events change you this much? You glanced down to your arms and slowly unwrapped them. Your heart sank when you saw not only red horizontal lines running down your arms, but the skin around them was inflamed and dry.

"Not good," you whispered.

Walking to your bathroom, you grabbed lotion and rubbed it gently on the wounds, hissing through your teeth when it started stinging. Slowly, you started to get dressed in the proper attire for the Council meeting that Obi Wan was surely going to drag you to.

After half an hour, you pulled on a sweater and your robes, grabbed your iPhone and shoved the dresser aside. You opened the door and walked downstairs to the kitchen. You opened the small fridge and grabbed a bottle of watermelon-mint flavored water and a apple. Then you sat in the living room, turned on the television to the news and sat down to wait for Obi Wan. After about two minutes, you plugged earbuds into your phone and started listening to Total Eclipse of The Heart again. Upon hearing the lyrics, your heart sank. You always got more sad when you listened to songs like this.

A chime sounded on your phone. You glanced at it and saw the numerous texts from your friends, asking you if you were okay. You opened your phone and pressed the "Ignore all" button. The alerts went away and you slumped against the couch, misery clear on your face.

"Are you ready to go?" you heard Obi Wan say from behind you.

With a sigh, you got up and walked to the door. Obi Wan tried to grab your arm, but you jerked away and crossed your arms over your chest. Sighing, Obi Wan followed you out into the hall and closed the apartment door behind him.

Thoughts were swirling across your mind.

"Why am I still alive after this?"

"You will never be able to talk with anyone about what you have done."

"This is what ungrateful people do."

"You're nothing."

"Worthless."

"You are no one special."

"If anything, you are worth as much as a rotting corpse."

"How could anyone as worthless as you still have the will to live?"

You were so shocked about that thought, you stopped right in front of Obi Wan and he careened straight into you, knocking you forward and almost pushing you on the ground. You quickly recovered your balance. Then you heard someone snicker.

Looking up from the ground, you saw Brittany a few yards away from you with a few of her girl friends, laughing at your mess up. Your face fell and you kept on walking around the corner, ignoring the girls until you and Obi Wan were past them, before you walked over to the wall and buried your face in your hands, your shoulders trembling from exhaustion. After a few moments, you stood up and walked forward to the Council room, not knowing if you would come out of the meeting, still a Padawan...


	7. This isn't freedom. It's death.

You pushed open the doors to the Council meeting before walking in hesitantly. Obi Wan followed in behind you and closed the doors behind you.

"Welcome Master Kenobi, (Y/N). What can we do for you?" Kit Fisto asked kindly, glancing at you sympathetically.

"Thank you for agreeing to come this morning," Obi Wan answered back. "I asked you for this Council hearing for my Padawan. She is failing in her duties as a emerging Jedi Knight. I was hoping that you could help me to find the problem and eliminate it."

"Very well. Take your seat on the Council and we will continue," Master Secura requested.

Obi Wan bowed respectfully and walked to his seat. After he got settled, Master Plo Koon asked you a question.

"Do you feel like you are failing in your Jedi duties?"

"No," you answered simply.

"How feel you?" Yoda asked.

You stared at him for a solid minute before you answered.

"I do not believe that you want to know how I feel, because if you really did, you would ask if I was okay."

All the Masters in the room stared at you after that answer.

"And... Are you okay?" Master Fisto inquired of you.

You glanced at him and your eyes met. Instinctively, your eyes flitted away from his.

"Yes," you replied.

"No. You are not," Anakin said.

You whipped around to face him.

"And how would you know, Master Skywalker?" you asked.

"Because your mind is completely closed off. The last time that happened was when you had a panic attack, and I don't believe you could be functioning if you were having one," Anakin explained.

You swallowed and shook your head.

"I can assure you Anakin. I'm fine," you closed yourself off.

"Just stop it, (Y/N)," Obi Wan sighed. "Just stop and tell us what the bloody hell is going on with you. If you had any sense left, you would be doing homework instead of confusing us with your idiocyncrecies."

Obi Wan's voice faded gradually. Instead, you heard the blood roaring in your ears. You pressed your hands against your temple and over your ears to try and block out the high pitched demonic shrieks that you heard. Then you realized. You were having a panic attack. You were so focused on trying to calm down that you stopped putting up your mental shields. You felt a pair of arms around yours and you glanced upward for a second. It was Master Fisto holding you while you sobbed, kneeling on the ground. A few moments later, you felt Merrit, Keith and Eli's arms holding you close, rubbing your back and shoulders comfortingly. You leaned into your friends and hugged them so tightly, your knuckles went white.

"(Y/N), oh (Y/N). Why didn't you tell us?" Merrit asked.

"C'mon. We're gonna have an off day, just us. I'll get (M/F/N) and Natalie and we'll go have some fun, okay?" Keith suggested.

"Okay," you whispered.

The four of you walked out of the Council session and into the hallways.

Suddenly, you heard a song. One that you knew and were familar with. One that (M/F/N) had sang with you before...

"You know I want you. It's not a secret I try to hide."

"No."

You whipped around and tried to find him in the midst of all the younglings, padawans and masters filling the hallways.

"No what?" Merrit asked.

"He can't sing that, not now!" you explained before trying to locate him again.

"What? 'Rewrite the Stars'?" Eli asked.

"Yes, that song!" you panicked.

"I know you want me. So don't keep saying our hands are tied."

And then you saw him, walking towards you, your and his Master behind him, watching with surprise.

"You claim it's not in the cards, and fate is pulling you miles away, and out of reach from me. But 

you're here in my heart, so who can stop me if I decide that you're my destiany?"

(M/F/N) took your hand and gazed into your eyes. You could see the sadness, hurt and devastation in his eyes, and something else. A defience against living as if everything was okay when it wasn't.

"(M/F/N), not here," you begged.

He started on the chorus, refusing to let go of your hand. You tried to walk away, he pulled you back, you tried to walk around him, he twirled you around and back to where you started.He finished singing, begging you to rewrite the stars with him. You almost started to believe him until you saw his and your Master staring at the pair of you, scorn and comtempt in their eyes.

You started singing on your part and saw Obi Wan's eyes widen at what he heard. You walked away from (M/F/N) and pain started settling in your heart. With fire in your eyes and pain in your heart, you whipped around to face (M/F/N) and started singing the chorus. 

"No one can rewrite the stars. How can you say that you'll be mine? Everything keeps us apart! And 

I'm not the one you were meant to find! It's not up to you, it's not up to me, when everyone tells 

us what we can be. So how can we rewrite the stars and say that the world could be ours tonight?"

(M/F/N) had never heard you sing like that. Powerful, beatiful, dangerous.He walked over to you and hugged you for the rest of the song, but at the very end, you knew what you had to do.You turned around and walked away from him with the last lyrics.

"I knew she was a traitor!" a high pitched voice called out.

You groaned and turned around. Brittany and her gang of birds stood at the edge of the crowd, and they were obviously trying to stir up trouble.

"You know what Brittany, I'm so done with your shenanigns that I could choke you and not lose a wink of sleep over it," you sighed tiredly.

"She's right," Master Windu called out. "Jedi may not love another person. (M/F/N), you have deeply disappointed me. You too, (Y/N)."

"Wait a moment, there's no Jedi law stating that a Jedi may not love another person. Attachment is forbidden, but not love," Anakin called out.

"Anakin speaks the truth," Ahsoka supported him.

Before anyone else said another thing, you yelled out, "I am done with being shoved around!"

You grabbed your phone, stalked over to one of the power conduates and plugged it in. You looked up a song and played it. The hallway filled up with music.

"(Y/N) no. This song is too much for your voice," (M/F/N) begged.

You turned and faced him.

"I don't care, (M/F/N). I'm done with this. I won't hide anymore," you waved his concerns away.

"No, (Y/N), I'm serious." (M/F/N) retorted.

"Just stop. You don't even know me."

You had sung this song only a couple times before, but you loved it. 'This is Me' really was about you.

"Guys, we can't let her do this on her own," Merrit whispered as you started singing.

"No, we can't," Natalie whispered back.

The boys opened up thier huddle to let the rest of the drama group in.

"Costumes are over here," Natalie motioned to a room a few feet away.

"Let's go," Keith agreed.

Half the group left to go change while the other half of the group stayed to make sure they weren't too late. It took about thirty seconds for each group. You had no clue what they were planning. But before you could find out, the room started swirling around in circles and you pressed your hands against your head, trying to steady yourself...

 

 

"(Y/N), why didn't you tell me?" you heard Obi Wan's voice break though the haze. You blinked and everything was gone. You were still in the Council room, head in your hands, kneeling in the center of the room.

Finally you remembered what happened. You had a panic attack so severe that you hallucinated everything that you had just seen. Except for Obi Wan starting to lecture you on distracting the Council by acting like this on purpose.

"Why didn't I tell you what?" you asked.

"That you are feeling like this? That you feel like a failure even when you haven't done anything wrong?" Obi Wan probed as he hugged you tightly, squeezing the breath out of you.

"Wait. What?" you asked.

"You put your mental shields down while you were fighting off the panic attack. Oh, sweet girl, I'm so sorry that I've done this to you," Obi Wan whispered, pulling you close to him again.

"I believe this session to be over now," Anakin said hastily. "Council adjourned," Master Windu agreed. The Masters all left, one by one until only you and Obi Wan were left.

"My wonder girl," Obi Wan whispered, rocking you back and forth.

"Obi Wan, I don't understa-"

You were cut off by the shrieks of your friends.

"Oh my god, (Y/N)! Why the hell didn't you tell us?" Keith asked.

"Tell you what?" you asked, still confused about what was happening.

"About your depression!" Merritt burst out before hugging you.

"My WHAT???" you questioned.

"(Y/N), we went to the library this morning to look up the list of symptoms that you were showing, unwilling to be around groups of people, spending a lot of time alone, thinking about or doing self harm... wait. (Y/N), have you self harmed?" Eli asked.

You breathed in. You wanted to lie so badly you would have given anything to not say this. But you couldn't lie to your only friends.

"Mmhmm," you sighed.

"Can we see?" Merritt asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You shrugged off your robe and yanked off your sweater. Your friends and Master were silent as their eyes scanned your scars. After a few moments, Merritt hugged you and helped you to stand up. Keith placed your robe back on your shoulders to cover your scars and the group walked out to the crystal gardens to talk with you and see what they've missed...


	8. Important Update

Hey everybody. The reason I started this story is because I was going through some hard things in my life. These events have now passed and I no longer feel the need to continue this story. There will be no more chapters to this unless I feel the need to pick it up again. Thank you so much for reading it, and you can still send me suggestions. Bye!! ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I will need idea's later on, so if you want to ask, I can make a chapter for you. Also, if you guys are dealing with self harm or depression, PLEASE GET SOMEBODY YOU TRUST AND TELL THEM. I really want people to walk away from this story feeling good about themselves, so if I put in something that you guys don't like, I'm sorry but you don't have to read it again, you can ignore me. I won't be hurt if you don't like it.


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